可敬的阿姨和叔叔：
讚美神！
今年的暑假過得很精彩。上帝賜我有機會在這暑假回到烏干達，與家人和朋友團聚。感恩能再次與我熟識的人共度時光，呼吸家的空氣，去我長大的地方。今年夏天，我也終於受洗了。當我回顧過去兩年從荷蘭學習，到現在在布裡斯托爾學習的旅程時，我讚美祂，因為整個過程中的所有學習和經歷，都讓我更接近祂。
一周後（9月13日），我將離開烏干達返回布裡斯托爾，繼續第二年在西英格蘭大學學習英國文學。臨近假期結束，逐漸回到「現實生活」，我在思考明年該如何生活。神去年讓我在布里斯托爾有一個新的開始，故此我充滿激情和動力，想要成為最好的自己、想做很多事情及想取得成功，以此作為上帝賜予我所有奇蹟和祝福的回應。然而，我嘗試了不同的事，都沒有成功；測試了不同的路向，但這一切都讓我陷入了一種不舒服的停滯狀態。同齡的人，有的在網上經營生意，讓家人可以安心退休，而我卻仍在努力平衡大學生活及一日三餐；同齡的人，有的能大膽地見證神，但當我在非信徒面前談論耶穌時，仍然感到焦慮。我給自己很大的壓力，因為我覺得自己做得還不足夠，每一次挫折，都讓我感覺自己在浪費上帝仁慈地所賜予的一生一次重新開始的機會。我再一次被困住了。
再次讚美上帝，我能夠回到烏干達渡過暑假。感覺就像上帝看到了我新的掙扎，把我從布裡斯托爾拉出來，把我送回家休息三個月。離開那個環境後，打破了我狹隘的視野，我開始從不同的角度看待去年發生的一切。我過去想做很多事情，想成為課程中最好的學生，將自我發展和專業發展融入我所擁有的每一分鐘，盡可能服侍並參與教會一切所作的，在我參與的運動中表現出色等等。不知不覺中，我耗盡了。整整一年都被一個想法所驅動——我必須在每件事上盡我所能，在每件事上做到最好，以向上帝展示我是多麼的感激祂，這最終讓我筋疲力盡，勉勉強強地通過學業。
整整一年，我從來沒有停下來問上帝要我做什麼。我所做的一切都是出於我自己的智慧。我以我認為最好的服侍方式去服侍祂，從來沒有問過祂希望我如何服侍。最近，伊莉莎白·艾略特（Elisabeth Elliot）曾經說過的這句話極大地鼓舞了我：「我意識到，最深刻的屬靈功課不是通過祂讓我們最終如願以償，而是通過祂讓我們等待，以愛和耐心包容我們，直到我們能夠誠實地祈禱祂教導祂的門徒的禱告：願祢的旨意成就。」這個想法非常發人深省。我是真的祈求祂的旨意成就，還是下意識地將自己的慾望和願望注入禱告中？所有我認為足以取悅上帝的忙碌和努力，最終只是傷害了我；因為畢竟，即使在我最好的情況中，我也需要耶穌使我成聖，以取悅上帝。所以，最後我明白，反映我對上帝的愛和服侍祂的最好方法，不是通過我個人想要如何服侍祂，而是按照祂希望我服侍的方式去服侍祂，並誠實地祈禱「願祢的旨意成就」。踏入布裡斯托爾的第二年，我將不再盲目地向前衝，而是專注於祂的聲音和祂的方向。我會專注目前的首要任務：那就是完成大學的學習及畢業，至於其他的事情上，我會等待，讓祂帶領我前進。
致所有的叔叔阿姨和所有在基督裡的弟兄姊妹，非常感謝你們抽出寶貴的時間閱讀這封信，感謝你們的禱告和支援。知道在我身後是你們所有人的祈禱推動我前進，這真的是一種祝福。這就是基督徒團體的美，這就是跟隨祂的喜樂！我懇求你們繼續在禱告中記念我，祈求上帝繼續引導我，讓我繼續更多地瞭解祂，加深我與祂的關係。
親切問候
吳以勒
2023年9月6日
吳以勒正在英國的西英格蘭大學修讀英語文學和寫作課程，為期三年。九月份升讀二年班一年學費港幣140,000元、住宿費40,000元、食用保險等55,000元，合共235,000元。請支持吳天德宣教士家庭，奉獻請註明「吳以勒大學教育資助」。
To all the lovely aunties and uncles:
Praise God!
This year’s summer holiday has been wonderful. God blessed me with this opportunity to return to Uganda to be with my family and friends over the break. It has been a privilege to spend time with my people again, to breathe the air of home, and to go to the places I grew up on. I also finally got baptized this summer, and as I reflect over my journey for the past two years from studying in the Netherlands to now studying in Bristol, I praise him for all the lessons and experiences throughout has brought me closer to him.
I leave Uganda in a week (13th September) to return to Bristol to continue into my second year of studying English Literature in the University of the West of England. Nearing the end of the holiday season and edging back into “real life”, I’ve begun contemplating about my approach to the forthcoming year. Last year, I was full of passion and drive to become the best version of myself and to do many things and be successful as that was what I thought was an appropriate response of gratitude to all the miracles and blessings God gave me to have a fresh start in Bristol. I tried out different side hustles that didn’t work out, tested different future paths, but it all led me into an uncomfortable position of stasis. People my age are running businesses online and retiring their families, while I was still struggling to balance university and cooking three meals a day. People my age are boldly testifying God, yet I still get anxious when speaking about Jesus in front of non-believers. I gave myself a lot of pressure because I felt like I wasn’t enough and didn’t do enough, and every setback felt like I was wasting this once in a lifetime opportunity to start afresh that God so graciously blessed me with. Once again, I was stuck.
Praise God again that I was able to return to Uganda for the summer holiday. It felt like God saw my new set of struggles and plucked me out of Bristol and dropped me back home to have a good three months of rest. Being removed from that environment, my tunnel vision started to crumble, and I began to view everything that happened last year from a different perspective. I wanted to do so much, to be the best student in my course, to fit self-development and professional development into every spare minute I had, to serve as much as possible and involve myself with everything the church was doing, to excelling in the sports I was involved in, and much more. Without realizing it, I was burned out. The whole year was driven by a single thought that I had to do my utmost in everything and be the best in everything to show God how grateful I am, which ultimately left me exhausted and barely managing to scrape by and pass my studies.
Throughout the whole year I never stopped once to ask God what he wanted me to do. I did everything out of my own human wisdom. I served him how I thought would be the best way to serve, and never did ask Him how HE wanted me to serve. Recently I’ve been greatly encouraged by this quote that Elisabeth Elliot once said:“I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.” This thought has been very sobering to reflect upon. Do I truly pray that His will be done or do I subconsciously inject my own desires and aspirations into the prayer? All the hustling and the striving that I thought would be enough to please God really just hurt me in the end, as after all, even in my best work I need Jesus to sanctify me to be pleasing to God. So, in the end I’ve reached the understanding that the best way to reflect my love for God and to serve him is not through how I personally want to serve him, but to serve him how he wants me to serve, and to truthfully pray that “Thy will be done.” Entering into the next year in Bristol, I’ll no longer blindly charge forward, but instead focus on His voice and His direction. I’ll concentrate on my current priority, which is completing and graduating from university, but in everything else I’ll wait and let Him lead me forward.
To all the uncles and aunties and all fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, thank you so much for taking the time to read this letter, and for your prayers and support. It truly is a blessing to know that behind me are the prayers of all of you pushing me forward. Such is the beauty of Christian community, and such is the joy of following him! I ask that you may continue to remember me in your prayers, praying that God continues to guide me and that I may continue to learn more about him and deepen my relationship with him.
Kind Regards,
Jireh Wu
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